Negative Spouse or Partner
by Rena Klingenberg.
Readers occasionally ask me what they can do about selling their jewelry when their spouse / partner is unsupportive and negative about everything involving their jewelry business.
So, although I don’t talk about this part of my personal story very often, I decided it might help someone else if I shared it here:
One of the main things that was stopping my own jewelry business when I first started out was a bad relationship with a controlling person.
Like many controlling people, he didn’t like it when my time and attention weren’t focused completely on him.
Making jewelry was something I really enjoyed, but it didn’t involve him – so he became verbally abusive whenever I spent any time or money on it.
He always found ways to pick a fight about my jewelry hobby, and would then turn things around to make it seem that the argument was all my fault for being involved in such a “selfish” activity.
So I’d always wind up feeling awful – which of course smothered any creativity, joy, or hopes I was having about starting a jewelry business.
And like many controlling people, his demands were contradictory – he berated me for not making a good income from my jewelry, but he got furious if I did any of the things that were involved in making or selling my jewelry.
It wasn’t just about my jewelry. While I was in that relationship, one dream after another was closed for me – anything that wasn’t about him was unacceptable.
To anyone who hasn’t been in this type of abusive relationship, I know you’re wondering, “Why didn’t she just dump him?”
And you’re right – I should have dumped him long before I finally did.
But I had grown up in a household that was ruled by someone with anger and controlling behaviors, so it took me a long time to realize that this relationship was abusive, and that no one should have to live with it.
“Controllers” are unfortunately very common – they may be a family member, friend, or romantic partner.
According to the Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness, approximately 1 out of every 3 women will experience relationship abuse in her lifetime – and men can also be victims of this type of abuse.
I stayed in this bad relationship for many years, before I finally left it several years ago.
I remember very clearly how free I felt the day I finally left him. I felt like the ceiling had been removed from my life – I could do anything I wanted, with no one stopping me!
It was such an incredible feeling that I stayed up all night, that first night in my new little home, because I didn’t want to miss any of my new freedom.
Among the many opportunities that were re-opened for me now in my new life, I was finally able to really accelerate my jewelry business. And that was when it really took off and became successful.
So when one of my readers asks my advice on how they can have a profitable jewelry business when their spouse is unsupportive and negative about it – well, my answer is strongly influenced by my own experience.
I’m not a doctor, lawyer, counselor, or psychologist. But my advice is this:
If your partner / family member / friend wants to keep you away from the people and activities that are meaningful to you, please consider honestly whether he / she is worthy of having a relationship with you.
If I could save one other person from entering or staying in a controlling relationship it will have been worth sharing this part of my own story.
You are so, so right!!!
by: Carolina Gonzalez
you know I’ve been reading Tarot for 19 years – can you imagine how many times I have given the same advice that you are giving now?
The truth is that we are afraid to accept that we are not really loved by that abusive person we have in our life – because as you said, if someone doesn’t want us to go Bigger, Better and Bolder, that person does not love us. At all.
You are very brave talking about your personal issues, and I’m sure this article will help a lot of people see the truth 🙂 – that you are only loved when you are allowed to be exactly who you are.
Thank you, Carolina!
“You are only loved when you are allowed to be exactly who you are” is so well said!
It’s so important to really internalize that truth – it’s something I wish I’d understood years ago.
Thank you for your caring and understanding, Carolina, and for all the other people you’ve blessed with this advice through your readings.
Sounds like my story
Sounded like you were describing me! My husband thinks I “play with beads” and doing shows are such a waste of time. These are things I enjoy and find relaxing. I really don’t care what he thinks anymore. We have a 15 yr old son who loves to go to shows with me and knows all the vendors too!
my husband is not controlling or abusive he’s jealous because he can’t do some things that I’m good at, I paint pictures he’s never once said said that’s nice or pretty always something negative same way with my jewelry business. He made a comment the other day when I got another jewelry oprder in “I’ll just never get out of debt” in which that one cent comes out of his pocket I pay fro everything involved in my jewelry store, I said to him what, you have not ever bought even a pair of earrings he shut up then. I don’t get him he should be supportive, I’m seventy years old and I’m keeping busy so i can live longer I’m also a hairdresser I work three days a week at that and I have my little jewlry business in my granddaughter salon where I work I have no overhead except to buy and sell and I beleive it will go with avertising and word of mouth it’s slow right now because I’ve only been open about six months but I have convidence I will be sucessful. Any sugestions?