I’d appreciate hearing your thoughts about something that makes me feel a bit heartsick.
First, some background so you can see why I am concerned I may be misperceiving things:
I have chronic medical conditions (physical and depression / anxiety) that have kept me from my career as a social worker, and have also largely deterred my jewelry making. I also have a hormonal issue, adding to my emotional overload. I also have some memory issues, so I keep detailed records of my emails.
Last holiday season my sisters and I signed up for a show the night before, but I got ill and was unable to participate. The woman running the show agreed to give us a credit for the next show since our slot would not have been filled by anyone else.
Locally there are a couple of smaller shows at an expo center. (Where I had bailed on the previous show.) Most of the shows at the expo center are run by the same woman. All of the holiday shows are hers.
In October I emailed her about our credit, but said if it couldn’t be applied towards this important a show I understood. She wrote back saying she would look into it. That show passed.
I wrote her again to see if she had room at the next show and to inquire about the credit but also said that I would be happy to pay. She wrote back asking for more information about “the credit.” I sent that, and the November show passed.
I wrote again, apologizing profusely each time about the inconvenience and thanking her for her dedication to the crafting community. No response.
I emailed again with the same questions, and mentioned that if she was too full of “jewelry” that we also do a lot of upcycle things, not just jewelry, and letting her know that I could go more in another direction if needed.
Really, I just want to be in a show soon so that I can have my first one and prove to myself that everything is not a waste and I’m not a failure.
Again, no response from her.
I checked the facebook page and she has just opened another room – and I was the first to post, saying I would like a slot. I emailed her today and she replied that she had no record of us having ever applied to be in her shows.
At this point I feel like this woman does not like me. My emotions are a little erratic so I decided it was a misperception and again asked if I had a place, and that I appreciated and was sorry for troubling her. I figured I should have a place since I asked even before her 2nd call for makers when she opened another room.
A couple of hours ago she emailed me back again saying that there was no record of me (I had agreed previously that I could have been wrong), and that btw she was full for jewelry.
I honestly feel like she simply does not like me. I know it seems paranoid but given the timeline it seems I should have a place.
She runs all the shows so if she doesn’t put me in, I’m out.
Are my emotions clouding reality?
Maybe it’s a sign to quit? Help!